Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
