so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
