one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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