I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
