You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
