you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Still dying that you shit outside
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
