I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize