im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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