I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
