OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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