at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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