Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
