Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
