If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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