Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
