she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
