p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
