dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
