fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
