i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Screwed.edu
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
