I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
