just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
