fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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