Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize