Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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