just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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