Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize