Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
