Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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