If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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