we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
