Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
