Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
