Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
