Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
