The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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