Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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