I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
