Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
