I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
