guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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