She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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