My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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