It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
