You really coming over, don't trick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
