he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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