I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
