Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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