Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she told me i tasted like america
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
