is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
