Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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