I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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