One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
