do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize