He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
