Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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