my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
