i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
