this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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