I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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