I want to walk on stilts...naked
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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