Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
