But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
