i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
