Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
