Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
