Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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