Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
