Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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