What did we do last night that was yellow?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
