Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
