I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
