i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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