no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
