Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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