Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
wow bdsm is so cute
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