Me. At least after what I've been through.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize