thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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