Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
