another moral hangover. fuck.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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