OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
