I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
