I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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