the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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