I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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