my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she peed on how many people?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
