The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize