Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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