So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
