I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize