I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
