I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
