Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
