I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
