I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
