do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
