I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
