Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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