Your face is a jimmy john
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
